mineral or vegetable

and when the projections stop i'm at the corner of a ball of wire. sinking into the earth. i want to be water. i am ancient. it has been eons i have been trapped in this paradigm. century after century after star system. where is the release of the sublime. look at your rear view mirror and spot the chasers. the fazers. the haters. we're all here looking in on judgment. so many god damn words and concepts and all i want to be is wind. vapor. i haven't a cool care darling for what you wear. the flow of the day, it's been a good one. so much i don't know. and my attention span this time of night is waning. my best friend is this shiny silver box, rectangle, notebook thing. penny for your thoughts and peter frampton is the closest thing i have to my childhood and the age of four and the concept of dad at home. your lacanian psychosis denies the existence of the concept of father. stop doing drugs people. fuck the alarmists. all day with the fucking alarms. car alarms. house alarms. dogs barking. a song called our siren. what. on a scale of one to ten productivity was 8. groundedness was 7.5 to 8.75. i ignored the alarms and apparently boy's weren't crying wolf but a house was broken into. broken. i learned today the beauty of a thing which desire is satisfied ceases to be beautiful. to possess a thing of beauty removes its function of non-function and thus a key component of its beauty. (kant) i paraphrase. lest i jest. kant makes my head hurt. too many words. for kant a thing of beauty must not have a purpose. reductionist. why do i have the myriad in my itunes. the worst song i've ever heard is 'we will be disappointed together'. wow guys, that's catchy. and what the holy fuck... why is it necessary for the shuffle feature to have hall and oates 'maneater' play twice within six songs. what are the chances? subtle? hardly. the first time it started playing i skipped it. the second time i let it play. there is something very wrong with most music i listen to being 130 beats per minute. that's not true, sufjan stevens is great for the blood pressure. i'm not sure about all the electronica. i run around most days with my heart rate somewhere around 130 beats per minute. everything is very important at 130 beats per minute. today was a 85 beat per minute sort of day. i liked it. it was a good day for drying clothes on the clothesline. until the gardeners came. they brought some nice oscillators to sheer the chlorophyl. i'm just being a brat right now, there's nothing wrong. nothing is every wrong. it's just a misinterpretation of the chemical reactions produced in my human suit and interpreted as 'emotion'. something about reading kant and about the beautiful and the sublime made me disconnect. i am very upset by his 'purposiveness without purpose'. i feel personally affronted. maybe i am not beautiful so it is a moot point. something goes, "but i want to have a purpose!" i have no purpose. in the sense that no one has a purpose. i have a purpose. it is prognosis. i love anything that can keep my heart rate at 85 beats per minute. or 60. slow and soft and with something diminished. something i can sense around the edges.