I was lying
on the floor
in your room,
your bed a loft,
colored in muted
blues and greens,
and naturalist prints
from restoration hardware
except this is a dream
and the text on the paint can
read like a manifesto,
as if everyone who
bought into
restoration hardware
were in on
the secret.
You can never sleep, so your room
had become a shrine
and I pressed myself
to the floor below, to blend in,
pressed myself down,
into walnut the color of my hair,
to evade notice.
you came in, found
ten black hairpins
in the dust, which were bubbles
and said, "Oh, these are for Joy!"
and slink, I unblended from
my camouflage and chirped,
"Here I am!"
But I couldn't tell
if you were happy to see me
or offended that your sacred space
had been violated,
just like I can't tell
if you really
believe all the crap
you said about me being
out of your league,
projecting one day
i'd get bored and leave.
it's devastating, and maybe
at the same time,
i'm spared in the truth,
whatever that is.
in waking life I eat toast
with cinnamon
and brown sugar
to sweeten the send off.
you are such a chicken
But then I wonder,
what is it you think I need,
where is my league,
and what kinds of games are played there
I want a match in spirit convinced of mad devotion.
And maybe I'm a douche to admit it,
but I want some tranquil
blues and greens
from restoration hardware:
loden, sage, sea foam
and sex like a manifesto.
It doesn't matter, the dream
turned,
and I was in a jewelry store
but the persian son of the mom who owned it
had a party and trashed the place
and I tried to save everything
in little boxes
that weren't mine.
II.
Disappointed by our abstractions
I get to the point of your reaction
Satisfied in your enjoyment
Of the lies in my comportment
You're not the one for me
You're not the one for me
At least that's what you tell me
And that's what I believe
And that's what I believe
I believe
The lies you speak
From a hopeless heart
I realize the future never warrants
A guarantee of glory and fortune
But stopping before we get legs torments
A life only lived with what you afford it
Take your time
And get it right
Justify your need
Justify your need
But don't appease the fear
But don't appease the fear
Of a hopeless heart
Oh our hopeless hearts
Conversations, our doubt devices
Give rational lies and likewise minded
Litany of reasons, a love departed
Before we get wings, before it's started
You're not the one for me
At least that's what you tell me
And that's what I believe
And that's what I believe
But you forget your righteousness
But you forget your righteousness
And it tears me apart
My hopeless heart
III.
The sign on the wall says
It's your call
The sign on the wall says stop
Stop stagger
Wait no go. Go now
The sign says no go. Go on.
Now. Go on. You are my
Sunshine starry eyed
Surprise me girl with your
Wicked ways. It's been days
And we would leave like
The rest before. I Implore
You now. Stop. Go. Stop go.
See me with you. I see me with
You. I see us. See through
You to the rest of us. Once
Was a time. A time upon it
Front to back my sassafras
Your no named figure standing
At the door. I'd say please.
You'd take leave. Like before.
The message and the method
And Or But Isn't Ipswich
Come with it. Come away.
Get with it. Coalesce. Undress
You know the rest. What isn't.
Flip it. Mind the mess.
Resist it.
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