enter the void

enter the void
wrap around my milky meter
no sense of feel
the click clock of my tick tock
fragile substance vascular
repeating

keep beating

up and out by force of will
i will not trespass on this
i will not repeat it

remnants of past
transgressions
peeling away

all my projections falter
sputter stop
incomplete

why shouldn't it be me
not close enough to the bone
and I run
and I run

climbing a never ending stair case
sisyphus week after week
pulling out my insides
up and out by hook or by crook

the bondage of this life slipping away
let me float in that cool calm
let me dive down deep

yet never given release

whether you see this
whether it's just me
it's irrelevant
fini

as believing is creating

it was if they had to keep believing in it
or it would not exist
as if they needed to keep feeding the flame
making it known
stoking the fire

would it not stand on its own
and pass the test of time
to remain eternal
as eternal as this fleeting lifetime could reason

how much resolve must they muster
to buoy their idyllic hopes

my must wrestled and dashed
by the reality of the days
as they stretched out before them

there was no certainty
as certain as they were in the moment

it was as certain as they wanted it
the future being what one makes it

my must mustered to stay constant
belief despite past failures

dispel these doubts
unattached to the outcome
i build a bridge beyond false hope
to reach the future present
as the words and dreams projected

always hold onto hope
and have faith in what you believe in

the clang of the dust mongrel

the clang of the dust mongrel
bangs inside my rib cage
suffices as evidence to my anxiety
drops to bottom in hara

content I should be in the
space in between
messages suspended in time
as it falls away, reaching toward
later in the day
as I get further and further
distraught; detached in my dissociation

feigned ersatz abandonment
impatient as a child

others are not like the one
do not occupy my mind
create not unease

i cannot control response time
i cannot control the sentiment

reason beyond all reason
eludes me

as in my mind i am evaded and pushed to the margins
my liminal body requiring agency
the need to be seen and reinforced
as if there was a question to the case in point
as if the reality of what is felt did not endure

assumed to be on the outskirts of mind
yet ornamented truthfully at the fore
decadent, defiant.
At the core.

Bright like the sun shines through darkness
the mongrel transmutes into a radiant light;
a beacon of well being.
it cannot cope without me within these borders
it sputters, fades
and dissolves.

when the gods have no reason

Here the ridges are words,
And on the last day
Night became
Like water in the stillness.
We searched for meaning where there was none
and sufficed in the
Flesh form as only promise.

I sunk my covet
In the ground of an apparition,
Modeled on a man
Wealthy as a teacher,
Or treacherous arbitrator; my
Healthy ambition restless
And needing of an answer
Which would not save.

We control nothing and
In nothing we bring anchor
Against torpid reason.

But now is my kingdom.

I revisit my half traveled regret,
Availed of nothing.

What is enough?

Grand ambition, architect,
an irony composed as our life
Would become of truth.

Instead I slip inland
Looking for your mad mother
Or mine, or my father
In hollow halls
In the wood paneled rooms
Emblazoned with owls.

Now I guard against
the pursuit of the things of earth
Erstwhile magnified in the
Material of bodies
And closet the hearth,
A barren witness,
To the heart troubled
When the gods have no reason.

11/7/2010

Good bye SF (9/15/2013)

From 9/15/2013

A time and a place transitions
And a new reality unfolds.
Taking with it my fire, my ire
To dwell in tranquil subsequence

No more a radical
No more the reckless wonder wandering, the way she wanders
Here I hang my red shoes and decadent heathen heavens 

For a pursuit of greater merit
Of sacred filial relation
Returning wholeheartedly
To my wholeness, my descendent

To that from which I was separated as if my body itself was severed
And I mourned all this time
comforting and filling with Dionysian distraction

My experiences in this place could not be traded or recreated 
and I love my conspirators and our elation

But now I leave it.
No more a pillar of salt
But of a defiant and determined marble and granite of
Winged Victory, Hera and Grace.

a brief exposition on the eternal now

Stay in the present moment
and enjoy what is
because the future is illusory
and only a
thought
based on speculation and
conjecture,

And the past is only a memory
held in the present moment
and not a lasting or accurate representation
of what has come to pass.

"...the future is still not here and cannot become a part of experienced reality until it is present...

and to pursue the future is to pursue a constantly retreating phantom, and the faster you chase it, the faster it rushes ahead..."

In this way, the assumption of future happiness, though unreal,
will consist of abstract and artificial ideas such as
promises, hopes and assurances
of a projected possible, yet uncertain, probability.

But none of these thoughts are Reality
because they are not of the
Present Moment.

They are ideas, thoughts, predictions, etc.
based on the perception of a phantom.

For the memory of the past is not a valid basis
on which to judge the future
because the memory of the past is a
Present Moment thought that can be
warped and changed to suit the
artifice of the future.

It is foolish to want or desire
what is Not because the
disconnect causes discord
and disassociation from the
marvel and wonder
that exists in the Eternal Now.

Thusly, one must stay present in
what is Now and find joy in it NOW
because that is
the only Reality
that there is.

Quotation: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/01/06/alan-watts-wisdom-of-insecurity-1/

the fictional transmigration of a figment supposition

Reading up on Hegel
and the aesthetic philosophy of beauty
She reaches to entreaty the gods of art
Those beings who suffuse
with words, emotionality

And charge again a vessel,

Translator for a modicum of grace

And risk in exposure.

Melted, melded and emboldened
Subsumed by a love.
A crater found again,
And reopened a wound
where It was regarded before.
Time has a way and maintains their fealty
This time she affirmed if implored

But that's just conjecture

Be this evocation of feeling 

fleeting or unsubstantiated,
or lasting,
Still she is subsumed, moved through.

He welded by her light

She constant in her wanders

As earth after earth empties him

And he would sigh as skin pressed

And he would sigh wordless

Leaving cogent disquities
to the ephemeral passage

If they could just but meet in minds 

a distant projection 

of farmhouse in green fields

not far from a train
to take them there
and back again
living day in and out
resting and rising 
bodies together
then apart
then together again
all the while
superimposed
both carried in tandem, 
A living trust
in a theoretical universe

If they could just reconcile concordance

Presently either denying or desiring that which

rests at her foundation
the high calling of muliebrity 

manifested in fulfillment of nature
Relevant only in relation to another

They will not trespass on that thought

She would battle her struck wonder

And he would sigh as skin pressed

And he would sigh wordless

Welded by the way he calms her

Let it be enough, this backdrop
known from a distance
as an apparition of sense

And make due
She with him, without him here.

JCA

pull of the minor key

I cannot stand the pull of a
minor key so early in the morning.
I can't stand the distant pull
or the stop skip of the playback.

My loves have switched places,
a comical transposition,
Discordant.

I do not want to say anything,
do anything
to change the suspended animation
of my belief.

It's too early in the morning
for flits and gaps.

One of a woman's comely attributes
is her naivete
and ability to turn a blind eye
and shine a false and brilliant smile
to that which she cannot see.

A man must want to give his trust,
leave nothing to the shadow,
nothing to turn from;
remain in constancy
and cross the distance
between miles and measures.

Give me the major key
in steady cadence
that unlocks all doors
and lights my eyes.

Or give me nothing.

I can sing my own song
solo,
in perfect pitch,
a cappella.

blandiloquentulissimorum

mother resource
rebirthed in flesh blood body
her sons put her to work for their own good
so the lights wouldn't go out
and have all it fade again to the longest winter
since the last ice age

they learned to harness her energy

made her forget

harassed the interpreters
so she wouldn't self destruct
and bring it back to basics

she was put in a holding state
gaia conscious matrices

she remembered so much of the roast this time
and went all the way back
to the beginning
to remember the names
and count up all her children
relatives and bare minerals

to remember the rainbow
idaho blue, tallahassee black,
connecticut yankee ivory, fern green
shiny sparkling pearly whites
and the darkest night of his polished boots
the one who tried to wipe the last ones out

she had all their names written in her book
every name of those in her original line
straight from the beginning
lamberghinos, and the longest last name longer than
arhostachrisicratian
In languages older than written word

she was not owing obligados, not anymore
all the names of the elements
in the periodic table in latin
that's a long list
mom knowing all her creations

the littlest ones electronic, zeroes and ones

the oldest woman since the beginning of time
had the longest nails, the longest hair
counting elephants in the sofa
giraffe necks in the wood in the stairwell
folding back her nethers

keeping out
the synthetics in the floor and in
nail polish remover
and in the slivers of guitar picks

every story from sylvia plath to alice in wonderland
lewis carroll remembered her name
as all the writers rewrote her story
because she had the perfect number of chromozones

and they remembered the parts of her story she forgot

she harmonized with the warmest wood in a humidor
round as a cello with the right
tone a perfect pitch A
in her resonant body.

the angels opened blinds in the conservatory
placed feathers and hand palms in the sky
with each changing color
others once in atlantis or egypt
seeing the light of day
the wind through the house
arranging the eco system
aligning the stars
and calling them back in

all the dead playing bridge in the house
the he's below doing their deviance
and their wives giving
it a different name, something more delicate
just playing a game of cards
not trading lives or lips or kisses

daylight again, alone in the house
walking back and forth canoeing
dark blue tahoe
and terra purple green
to keep our water clean

folding it back
hiding her password
blandishing the brights
calling in the light
the light is magic
harmonizing the highs
and diminishing the lows
holding the highest note for as long as possible

leaving them the longest,
her lily whites

she drums all night to keep the spirits away

a siren
calling out the chant the loudest 

so that all could hear would be made right

lucid illuminaries part two

what does it matter, father time,
if the furniture understand what the
parliamentary particles, most recently identified,
substrate of atoms and co-bonded valences signify

robots, all of them, I say
the dinos want their diamonds back
but mother nature forgot where she
put the binary
where she put the ingredients
in the kitchen
making time in the effort
every day forgetting to remember
what we forgot

but we remembered
to put God first
it was a first class house
a first class ticket
to the only show on the blockade
promenade our most established
slightly individuated

honored individual
martini murmurer
melded and melting
vivating the venerated
clearing up the recently subtracted
and burnish the immediate point of light
targus
you are my light
I am my light
help me to remember
Christ's light and purpose
what is the mission as it was described
the first time

I don't want eternal life
I want the end
I want silence
I want peaceful sleep

no more karma
no more renditions

10/20/2013

lucid illuminaries part one

hold him to that
I do enough vibrational
damage control
in relation to interactions
by the minute
not to mention the practical
application of rudimentary
algebraic sustenance
and subtraction factoring the elements
roping the rhinos into existence
charming the elements
and doing the dishes
honey it's all on big ben
you tell me the way to san jose
oh I told you we'd get here
eventually
when I stopped echoing into
the stars in the hall
my rope music
placing each in its asteroid
each in itself
a thought bubble, my ancestors
how long ago we waited in these rooms
keep it classy
everyone keep a lid on
her sassy aunt sally and her
fantastic, say it with me everybody!
Cod-a
Code-ah
Coda
Koda, just another brother bear.

10/20/2013

The Brahmin’s Daughters

The Brahmin’s daughters

on eve St. Agnes, turned round.

Selkie, kenning vision, 

cinquain to crucible found

Dove worship and brother spent,

sent breach cast to Thetis sea bed.

In neither candle nor candomble

could they find the reach

of the real unveiled

to eclipse the encroachment of time.

Be they her lauded tense, be they

ship swift loose of mooring,

or gift of sweat lead.

She shared with her sisters

Dharma caste, ascetic arabesque

As they walked out of rooms

Keeping time in iliacs

Crestfallen to satisfy the

always-wanting-andic-wanting-nothing, 

Demiurge dogwood finding light 

in Sakti gnosis, stairwell to kether

and it was a full moon

for a week 

on her skylight.

Her run, ephemeral

Wrangled in step

Slip to caress, in a

stare, elusive lucid

shell, to cull

to quell, a sigh pressed.

An object lesson, she

planes of points geodesic

Accidental gesture, caught

in zoetrope, how she deems to

dive situational sheath

not lost on illusion, 

holding paragon in order of precedence,

Tranquility preceding necessity.

The sun came out even then

arising on face value and subsequence;

betting on vascular, odds against, on

the internal works of the earth.

The body is the air, the water and the surface

floats above

moment cadence

nape, gasp, writ to caress

would they be but a sigh pressed.

2/9/11

of things and such

of good cheer
they will run again.
lungs full of life,
feet firmly planted.
the ground a solid keeper
of all things true and pure.
loamy earth buoying them along,
running and channeling strength.

the lofted sky open, steward of all boundless hope.
and on it the breeze of grace swifting along,
carrying upon it the surety of goodness and faith.

the warming brilliance of the Sun
a beacon to all sojourners in pursuit of the light,
of health, of the right.

you travelers, fear not
the road will roll out before you,
the path made known.

your wholeness fortified by
focused purpose and manifested by intent.

all will reach that goal, their highest good
led by that flame within us that guides us on,

to that or to where which we may not know,
but will always carry us home.

 9/15/2013

syncretic caryatid

the caryatid swept through unexpectedly

re-entered a state, a portent fulcrum

it was never wednesday without her

the serpent swung around snug

the y axis

it was always that relation

x to y

and the intersection of such

be it individual or interpersonal

we could all see fit to be there

wrapped up in her mind much unlike

the way we left it

the links between her question marks

and their inklings would better

fill a room

but that’s all it was, filler

like philomen onesimus

they remembered

the story of their birth

in the one mind

their prison

their magic

their resurrection

forever to live as thought

what was the path of the sun

different this time or like the others

they being thoughts of the sun

as it had been in the beginning

they being the flares of the sun

would it be again in the end?

they had lost the way between fates

libertines of or captives to free will

collapsing wave functions

undetermined and determinant 

contingent

in some realities

the caryatid is filled by spirit

moves without effort

in the grace of the flow

in the one harmony with all

she could keep this vibration

she could keep the sun spinning

in some realities

what is faulted is left

it pulls back but she is already

made of salt

one met of fire 

to call the other catalysts, 

come, tonight we drink

they gather in thought in bodies

codified in their constancy

melded of patterned thinking

reinforced by repetition

put forth, constantly put forth

in offering without knowing

its calls

in omega transcendent yet

to be thoughtless, to be faultless

free in nothing, where before the

light inhales, in the space

between breathes

where they want without need to live 

facile

married to fission, beyond time

reconciling all to naught

E=ħω/2

2011

There's a limit to your love

James Blake

There's a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There's a limit to your love
Your love, your love, your love

There's a limit to your care
So carelessly there
Is it truth or dare?
There's a limit to your care

There's a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There's a limit to your love
Your love, your love, your love

There's a limit to your care
So carelessly there
Is it truth or dare?
There's a limit to your care
So carelessly there
There's a limit to your care

There's a limit to your love
Like a waterfall in slow motion
Like a map with no ocean
There's a limit to your love
Your love, your love, your love

Current and Past Streams of Consciousness

2003-2006 blog
http://peppersoap.diaryland.com/older.html

2009-2012 music
https://soundcloud.com/joyous1119/tracks

2007-2010
http://gaiasfragments.blogspot.com/

2010-2014
http://astraldope.blogspot.com/

Pull My Heart Away

this sort of fits but not really.

Pull My Heart Away - Jack Penate

I'm ripping your posters off the wall
I'm moving the boxes into the hall
I stop when I hear a drumbeat call
Must be a sign, it is time

I need to take myself away
From the pillowed hand on which I stand
And throw me out of the side of a plane
And I'll just see where I land

I will have to pull my heart away
'Cause if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday

It's not like my feet are stuck to the floor
It's not like I'm wanting to know about the door
I want you to throw my shoes in the fire
And I'll watch the souls burn on the funeral pyre

And I'm over and it will change my position
And I'll know that nobody, nobody's listening
And that's easy for me and it's better for the soul
And it's better for you and it's better for all

I will have to pull my heart away
'Cause if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday
I will have to pull my heart away
'Cause if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday

I'm over with words, I'm moving in lines
And all that I put is jump up inside, jump off the side

I will have to pull my heart away
'Cause if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday
I will have to pull my heart away
'Cause if I never leave I'll ruin yesterday

I will have to pull my heart away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIocOsmM0kg

Like a star

Like a star I walk

Unsettled and striking

And wait weightless

For something to catch me

Alight to the sky

Distant and flickering

Somewhat fading

As time is constant

I draw closer 

Fervent ardor 

Relentless and seeking 

Release in an embodied 

Eternal reflection

Evolving spark

Mirror my light

Keep our nights hidden

Secure and lasting

In a corner of sacred

Meet the day

With renewed graces

Hands holding soundness

A diurnal transcendence

Vital bodies witness 

The passage of sunsets

The graduation of eras

And wizen together

Celestial denizen

No longer errant

Always returning

A lassoed star

***